"If any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone. For God hath made all men to enjoy felicity and constancy of good."
It is hard to admit you are the cause of your misery. It is easy to be a victim, to believe you have been wronged. Cursed, violated and downtrodden are all afflictions of the mind. It is even harder to change this perspective once it takes root. The need for pity, the desire for comfort from others is a very addictive thing. The mind begins to yearn for it. When a change occurs there is a withdrawl just as with any drug. The ease with which we want to slip back into old habits is tempting. But with reason as the antidote and the virtues as rails to guide me I can recover my soul.
"To what use, then, am I now putting my soul? Ask yourself this question on every occasion. Examine yourself. What do I now have in this part of me called the directing mind? What sort of soul do I have after all? Is it that of a child? A boy? A woman? A despot? A beast of the field? A wild animal?"
My examined soul, my inner sanctum.
I still feel like a child inside, ignorant, unknowing, searching for acceptance and trying to gain others approval.
I enjoy simple things, the joy of pain and perseverance having taken its toll on an already road worn body.
But what is in my directing mind? To be better, to be wise. And to be happy and unburdened by a life of wandering aimlessly. I want more than anything for this, to be content and safe. To not fear for anything. To welcome death on it's due time knowing that the things I have done are finished.